What are you doing now? Are you still singing or are you a mum now?? A question that I have been regularly asked for the last 2 years. Today, on Mother’s Day, it seemed an appropriate time to share something a bit more personal on the blog.
I became a mum later on in life. Now, I didn’t choose it that way. More so that I had just reached a point in my life where I had done a bunch of stuff already and felt ready to become a mum. Without pressure, without becoming obsessed about counting cycles etc. If I became pregnant then it was meant to be. In March of 2016, my daughter was born. I had read all the stereotypical Pinterest quotes that “everything was going to change” when you become a mum. Even pining some of them myself! Scoffing when people told me that I would never again have time to do anything for myself. Wondering what this journey was going to do to me as I had no choice but to take it head on.
Suddenly, I wondered where my identity went.
Now this was not because I was lost or because a little person was now dependent on me for everything. More so that society placed me in a “oh she is a mum” box and made judgements about my life based upon my choice to have a baby. People in the music industry also gave me “that look” when they realised I was pregnant/a mum. The intense pressure placed upon mums to still try and function is overwhelming. I remember driving 6 hours to shoot a music video after having four hours sleep and leaving my 8 week old baby with my mother in law. Damned if I do – for leaving my little girl to pursue something I loved. Damned if I don’t – for not being committed enough. What on earth do you do in that situation? You are judged either way.
This is by no means a backhanded “dig” to anyone (that’s just not my style!) but Mum labels are just not my thing. Being a mum to some people is absolutely everything that they have ever wanted to be. Now that they are mums, they feel that they have found their purpose. This is a beautiful and wonderful feeling and knowing that being a mum can make a woman feel complete is all that matters. If, this is not you, then that is okay too. A label does not define you, unless you want it to.
Being a singer, a writer, a creative person, someone that has plans, dreams and desires, this can all be achieve when you are a mum too. When you are a mum, you just have to work a little bit harder to get further. If you are starting your own business, wanting to travel or book a trip of a lifetime, change your career, do something amazing for yourself – you can!
The greatest example is you.
When I became a mum, I wondered how I would be able to show my little girl that she can be anything she wants to be if I wasn’t living out my dreams myself. The greatest example I could give to her to show her that she can do absolutely anything with her life. That example, well that was me. So I did focus on myself, I found myself again.I am not ashamed to say that when I became a mum, I also dug deeper and harder than I had ever done in my life before. In order to carry on writing music, singing and the career that I had before my little girl, I just had to work harder. Late nights and early mornings, looking back I had no idea how I got through it. Now, when I am singing, my little girl wiggles her hips, cocks her head to one side and says “mummy sing.” She will grow up knowing that music is a part of me, just as much as she is.
However you chose to bring up your little ones, remember that you are so much more than “just a mum.” You are whatever you want to be. Your children see and learn everything from you. There is no right or wrong way, it is all an adventure. If you are feeling a little lost, this is for you. Should you feel swallowed up in “motherhood” my message is simple. You are not alone. SO many women feel this way too. Please reach out, be gentle with yourself. Know in your heart of hearts that you are doing an amazing job. xoxo